No Fun At All
by Julian McQueen
Summary: When Grape, Peanut, And Mrs. Sandwich leave Earl alone in the house, he decides to have a little fun with a special someone...


Earl Sandwich watched wit a anxious expression as his wild lil' family, which consisted of Mrs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sandwich, Peanut tha dog, n' Grape tha cat, whoz ass was listed last cuz tha writa of dis rap don't like her straight-up much.

When Earl saw tha gang hoopty drive off fo' some unstated reason fo' a exaggerated period of time, he nearly shat his cold-ass tan slacks. "WOO HOO!" Dude shouted, n' dove ta his beeper.

Dude immediately reached tha contactz list n' selected a cold-ass lil contact named "PLAYMATE". It let up dat frickin' buggin dial tone fo' a gangbangin' few secondz before tha contact answered.

"Yo muthafucka?" Tiger Arbelt answered his thugged-out lil' phone. Meanwhile, one of tha fat, ugly, hustlaz of Malakz fan-fictions gasped all up in tha sudden deal twist. Then her ass farted n' read on, reachin fo' a funky-ass bowl of cheese puffs.

"Ti-ti?" Earl responded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Itz Earl."

"OH!" Tiger exfronted up in tha girliest way imaginable. "Wassup, mai boo?"

"Come on over n' I be bout ta sheezy you…"

Tiger giggled up in a rather irritation fashion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It was like tha sound of a shizzle of metal rubbin against a giant cheese grater. "Okay, anythang yo ass say, pookie bear."

Meanwhile, Gman was struttin down tha road when a cold-ass lil hoopty struck him, cappin' Gman instantly.

"Did our crazy-ass asses just-" Grape fuckin started ta ask.

"NO!" Mrs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sandwich shouted, n' her head grew twice as big-ass as her ass floored tha gas pedal n' drove off ta they unstated location.

Tiger was back all up in tha Sandwich residence n' was already French-kissin Earl up in his hairy, bearded grill. It was not stated WHERE they was exactly up in tha crib yo, but they was up in there somewhere…

"Oh." Tiger exfronted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Yo Ass taste delicious."

Earl laughed n' flossed his vampire fangs, cuz he was a vampire. Not a REAL vampire yo, but one of em stupid ones from "Twilight".

"Nuff props." Dude holla'd as he horribly sparkled up in tha sunlight, blindin a shitload of Malakz fans.

"Excuse mah crazy ass as I slip tha fuck into some shiznit mo' comfortable." Tiger shouted as he did a funky-ass back-flip n' landed tha fuck into a nearby bathroom.

When he came out, he was bustin tha dress Beatrice from "Umineko No Naku Koro Ni" wore, complete wit tha flower hairpiece n' everythang.

"Tizzles." Earl holla'd seductively as he lifted Tiger up n' carried his ass ta tha bedroom.

"Oh Earl." Tiger holla'd up in a whiny, obnoxious voice.

Meanwhile, Bizzle woke up up in tha middle of tha night yo. Dude was thirsty n' so he decided ta git a thugged-out drink of gin n juice n' maybe go peek all up in tha presentz under tha tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait ta peep his thugged-out lil' presents. There was one slimy box dat looked like a gun.

Then Bizzle noticed dat Zoey was up of bed too. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch must not have been able ta wait fo' her presentz either.

Bizzle thought dat he would surprise Zoey. Maybe even sneak up behind her n' jump her on her bloody pizzle. That always done cooked up Zoey hot.

Bizzle crept angrily down tha stairs n' tha fuck into tha livin room. There was tha tree, wit itz oldschool lights, n' tha presents, heaped up huskily, n' tha mistletoe hangin from tha ceiling, n' Zoey. Kissin some muthafucka.

Bizzle was so supa pissed, he picked up a ammo from a table n' threw it sexily on tha tank.

They both looked around.

"Zoey, yo ass sweaty zombie!" Bizzle yelled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "How tha fuck could yo ass cheat on mah crazy ass with...with..." Bizzle looked n' then rubbed his fuckin leg n' looked again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It was Santa Claus.

"Let mah crazy ass explain," Zoey holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I came down fo' a glasz of gin n juice n' then I found Santa here under tha mistletoe."

"Ho, muthafucka! Ho, muthafucka! Ho!" Santa holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "So of course her ass had ta give mah crazy ass a kiss fo' realz. And what tha fuck a wet kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Bizzle holla'd firmly. "If he was under tha mistletoe."

"Ho, muthafucka! Ho, muthafucka! Ho!" Santa holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Why don't yo ass give mah crazy ass a kiss too, biatch? Then thangs is ghon be muscly."

That seemed reasonable. Bizzle went over under tha mistletoe n' busted Santa.

Santa was tha dopest kisser ever, like a hot molotov fire burnin up in tha moonlight yo. Dude done cooked up Bizzlez eye feel all hard.

"Yo Ass see?" Zoey holla'd gently n' Bizzle saw. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So they had a threeway.

All Y'allz presentz was late.

As Earl threw Tiger on tha bed n' exposed his fuckin lil' disco stick. Tiger positioned his dirty ass n' wrapped his thugged-out arms, I repeat, ARMS, around tha phallus n' fuckin started sucking.

"Oh GOD…" Earl shouted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "OH GOD, muthafucka! OneOneOneOne" Earl shrilled as he splattered cum all over Tigerz face.

"Enough talk." Tiger holla'd, positionin his cold-ass tailhole up in front of Earlz dick. "Take mah dirty ass." Dude moaned.

Meanwhile, Stu done cooked up chocolate puddin fo' his niece so much, it soon possessed his crazy-ass mind, n' all what tha fuck he could be thinkin bout was chocolate pudding.

His ho tried ta snap his ass up of it yo, but her ass was not successful.

When Stu offered tha puddin ta his niece, her ass holla'd her ass was hungry. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So fo' some reason Stu went back downstairs ta make mo' chocolate pudding, n' when he brought it back upstairs, he finally snapped, n' screamed all up in tha top of his fuckin lungs.

Dude then fuckin started imagin strange jointz up in his head.

"Anata wa ima doko de nani wo shite imasu ka?

Kono sora no tsuzuku basho ni imasu ka?"

Da sex between tha vampire Earl Sandwich n' tha canine Tiger Arbelt was a truly disturbin sight. It was horrible, capable of rollin every last muthafuckin muthafucka whoz ass saw such a abomination mad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da dem hoes ran up in terror, pimps did they dopest ta try n' quit it yo, but ta no avail. Eventually, tha desperate townsfolk called upon a specialist ta deal wit dis situation.

They received two.

Ichigo Kurosaki n' Ronove approached tha two n' tried ta quit em yo, but Ichigo was immediately disintegrated but tha sheer force of tha sex, n' Ronove had no chizzle but ta leave.

Eventually, tha two "luddrs" stopped fucking, n' piece was restored ta tha land. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da rest of tha Sandwich clan returned ta tha house, straight-up oblivious ta what tha fuck had happened despite what tha fuck tha other townsfolk busted some lyrics ta them.

"Letz go play outside Peanut." Grape holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But up in realitizzle, they went tha fuck into Peanutz room n' fucked.

Meanwhile, a lil' small-ass crew of supa pissed hustlas stormed tha fuck into Malakz private chambers n' fuckin started ta beat his ass wit red hot iron rods.


End file.
